


A burden

by loyal_phan



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Phan - Freeform, blindphil
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-17
Updated: 2017-06-17
Packaged: 2018-11-15 07:47:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11226492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loyal_phan/pseuds/loyal_phan
Summary: A late night conversation turns sour after Dan accidentally offends his blind boyfriend





	A burden

 

 

Phil's POV.

 

 

I layed sprawled across the couch waiting for Dan to come home. He had left while I was still asleep leaving me a voice message saying he had gone to the store. Did he go while I was asleep cuz he just didn't want me to go out with him? Maybe he thought I was a burden to take out in public. I'm not the most agile person ever and being blind doesn't help much. But I'm not clumsy because I'm blind. No, I've always been clumsy. Haven't always been blind though. I'm sure Dan just didn't wanna wake me up. That's probably it.

 

I just moved in with Dan a few weeks ago but we've been dating for the longest time now. Makes me wonder why we didn't take this step sooner. Again..was it cuz I was blind? Maybe Dan just didn't wanna take care of me full time. But I don't need taken care of. I groaned and rolled over onto my stomach. I stress too much. Dan loves me and my disability doesn't make him think less of me. Right? No. I'm sure it doesn't. I've always been a self conscious person and when you've spent most of your life dealing with people looking down on you its no wonder.

 

I heard the front door open and I picked my head up to listen more intently. I heard the door slam shut and the shuffle of feet walk into the kitchen and I smiled jumping up. I walked into the kitchen a little slower than I would have if I was more familiar with this flat but I was still adjusting. I leaned against the kitchen doorframe and listened to Dan remove things from bags and the sound of the fridge opening and closing. "I missed you" I simply said and I heard him put down what he must have been holding and walk towards me.

 

"I didn't think you would be awake. And I missed you too" he said grabbing me by my waist and pulling me closer and giving me a quick kiss before turning back to what he was doing. I smiled at how affectionate he was being and I walked towards the counter. "Want me to help?" I asked and he hesitated before answering, "no I got it babe. I got a lot of new stuff so you probably don't know where it goes" he said and my smile faltered but I don't think he noticed. "You can just tell me where" I protested wanting to feel useful in this flat but he still denied. "I got it" he said and I just lightly sighed and leaned against the counter and let him finish. It didn't take that long but it would have taken less time if he had let me help. I'm blind not immobilized and lacking of all sense of coordination. But I didn't say anything because he wasn't trying to offend me. He was just being...considerate, in the wrong way but still..considerate.

 

"Did you eat anything while I was out?" He asked and I picked my head up at the sound of his voice. "No I decided to wait so we could eat together" I said and I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he answered. "Yeah same here. Although it was torture walking around a store while hungry, so what do you want?" He asked and I just shrugged "Pancakes?" I asked hopeful and he just chuckled.

 

"Anything for you" he said and I smiled and turned and opened the fridge to get out the milk deciding that I would just help instead of asking. "You can go relax while I make them if you want, I don't mind" he said but I shook my head and forced a smile "No i'll help" i mumbled while reaching back into the fridge for the eggs. He agreed but I could tell he was wary about it and that frustrated me.

 

After breakfast he instantly started to do the clean up and even after I protested it he still insisted. I rolled my eyes and walked back into the lounge. "don't freak out. He means well.." I mumbled to myself as I walked. As I sat down on the couch I took a deep breath to calm down so that when Dan came in I wouldn't be a hot angry mess.

 

...

 

 

The rest of the day went by really well and I forgot all the things that Dan had done that morning that had slightly ticked me off. I laughed with him as we talked and joked around, "You're so funny" I giggled holding a hand over my mouth and listening to him laugh along with me. "Not really you're just easily amused" he said with another laugh and I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I am not" I mumbled and he just poked my side before pulling me closer to him. I smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck cuddling into his side. This was why I let his little slip ups slid. These little happy moments that let me know he does care. Just in his own little way and In moments like this all the things he does that bother me are a distant memory. That is until he does it again.

 

"Wanna go to bed?" I asked with a yawn realizing that I was quite tired. "Not yet. You can go sleep if you want, I'll be there in a hour or so" he said and I sighed and nodded standing up. "I can help you get to the bedroom if you want" he offered and my previous annoyance came back. "I've made it to our room plenty of times before on my own" I snapped but he again didn't notice my annoyance. "Okay babe, see you in a bit" he said and I just walked out of the room and down the hall at as quick of a pace as I could safely go.

 

After changing into a pair of soft pajama pants and a more baggy t-shirt I climbed into bed and sighed wishing that Dan would actually go to bed at a reasonable hour with me. But I understood that he liked staying up a bit later so I just rolled over and tried my best to fall asleep.

 

..

 

A few hours later I felt Dan crawl into the bed behind me and I smiled and instantly turned around and clung onto him. "I thought you were asleep" He mumbled holding me closer. "mm I was.. you woke me ups" I mumbled sleepily as I relaxed against him. "Hey Phil?" I heard Dan whisper and I just hummed a reply that lets him know I'm listening. "I was thinking...maybe we shouldn't go to Florida next week" he said and I was instantly awake and ready to argue and question. "What? Why not? " I asked and he just shrugged. "I just think that..a whole new place would ...confuse you" he said and I tensed up. "Whats that suppose to mean?" I ask in a low voice and he instantly started talking to defend himself. "Nothing! Just that it would be easier if we ..did something else..here...in London" he said and now I was actually starting to get pissed off. "But going to Florida is our six year anniversary trip! And you wanna make new plans a week before?" I asked and he sighed.

 

"If we go to Florida you will be unfamiliar and like...bump into stuff non stop" he said in a soft tone clearly trying to keep this conversation from turning into a fight. I didn't want it to turn into a fight either so I took a deep breath. I wasn't gonna agree to it but still, wasn't gonna fight with him over it. "I bump into stuff here all the time" I protested and he shifted slightly. "Yeah but that's just because you're you...In Florida it would be cuz you're.." he let the end of his sentence drift off but I got what he meant. "cuz you're blind" would how the end of his sentence was gonna be. "I can handle myself just fine in a new place thank you very much" I grumbled and he shook his head. "I would have to be with you 24/7..and I don't want anything to happen to you" he said and instantly all my sanity went out the window. I was officially pissed off now.

 

"Are you implying...that being with your BOYFRIEND for a prolonged period of time on our ANNIVERSARY trip is a burden for you?" I hissed tensing up as he was still holding me. "W-what!? No! of course not! Oh god that came out wrong..." he instantly said but I just shoved him away from me. "You are! You do think I'm a burden!" I shouted and I felt him instantly sit up and try to move closer to me but I just moved farther away while sitting up myself. "Phil...No I don't, You're over thinking things" he said and I just shook my head angrily. "NO! I'm not! You always do this! You don't let me do anything! You think It's too much for me to handle! And this morning you didn't take me with you to the store cuz I'm such a burden for you! I get it now...who would want to walk around and let everyone see that his boyfriend is a blind guy" I mumbled closing my eyes to keep from crying. I wouldn't. I was angry not sad. I wanted to only be angry but it was hard.

 

"Phil..." Dan mumbled reaching out and touching my cheek. I instantly recoiled from the touch while angry tears ran down my face "Don't touch me" I hissed and he instantly withdrew his hand. "Phil just let me ex-" he started to say but I cut him off. "Don't even bother. I'm going to sleep on the couch" I hissed grabbing a pillow and crawled off the bed.

 

"Phil! Come on...I'm the one that made you upset shouldn't I be the one being kicked out of bed?" He asked and I paused in the doorway. "No...I don't really think I have the right. This is your apartment" I grumbled and he instantly responded with a protest. "No this is our apartment" he said and I just scoffed. "Then tell me why we dated for six years before you asked me to move in? Don't answer that..I know why" I grumbled storming out of the room angrily. 

I walked down the hall letting the tears fall more freely now. I didn't bother wiping them away cuz honestly why even bother. It wasn't affecting my sight in any way. I threw the pillow down on the couch and then fell onto it burying my face into the soft fabric. Dan didn't wanna be with me. He didn't want to be stuck with me in a different country. Heck he didn't even wanna be stuck with me here! Hot tears still fell from my eyes onto the pillow I had my face pressed against. Choked sobs came from my mouth and labored breaths as I tried to breath through the tightness in my throat and chest. I just couldn't catch my breath as I cried. I didn't care how ridiculous I must sound cuz who cares if Dan can hear me cry. He doesn't care. He's probably laughing at me right now. I was so happy..and content with everything and he just...cancels our plans..cuz I'm a burden.

 

I've always been a burden. Even the way we met I was being a burden. Running into him on accident in a park and causing his coffee to spill all over my shirt. What a great way to meet the person you plan on spending the rest of your life with. I was crying so much I hadn't even noticed that Dan had walked in and was staring at me. I could feel his gaze. He must have turned the light on so he could see how pathetic I looked.  I wiped my eyes and looked in the general direction I thought he was. "What?" I grumbled my voice different from all the crying I did.

 

"Oh Phil..." I heard him mumble and I narrowed my eyes confused. He sounded hurt. I thought he would be laughing at me. I heard him walk towards me slowly and kneel down next to me but he didn't reach out to touch me. I hid my face in the pillow again not wanting to feel his gaze on my face anymore. "Phil...Listen to me..You are not a burden..I guess I've been acting as if you were but you're not" he said and I shook my head "then why don't you let me go out with you? And why else cancel our anniversary plans..." I drifted off at the end feeling less confident about my argument after listening to him. He sounded so sincere and sure. "Because I worry too much. I worry about not being able to..protect you from the whole world...and this morning I just wanted to let you sleep in for once" he mumbled and I wiped my eyes.

 

"I'm not a child...I was managing just fine before you came along" I said hugging the pillow into my chest. Something I did when I was upset. "I know but Phil...Just try to understand that I love you sooo much. I'm so afraid of losing you. And I'm even more afraid of losing you cuz I wasn't paying attention to where you were for even a minute. I would never ever forgive myself if you got hurt while with me" he said and I felt tears stream down my face again and this time I felt his hand on my cheek wiping them away. "But I suppose...I took it too far.." he mumbled and I pressed my face against his hand but I didn't stop crying. 

 

"I can...take care of myself" I repeated and I felt him pick me up and then sit on the couch then pulling me into his lap. "I know you can. I'm sorry Phil...We'll go to Florida.. If you aren't that pissed off with me...and I'm sorry I let my protectiveness go too far.." he mumbled holding me closer to his chest and I let him, appreciating the comfort and the better and less painful explanation of his thoughts and actions.

 

"W-we are? We're still going?" I asked picking at the seam of his t-shirt. "Yes..of course. And we'll have the most fun that we've ever had.." he whispered just loud enough for me to hear. "That's impossible.." I mumbled and he hesitated before asking "Why?". I smiled lightly and whispered "Cuz every moment I spend with you is the most fun I've ever had" and I could tell he was smiling as he held onto me tighter and I buried my face in his neck. Yeah we had our moments of insecurities but this made it worth it. Him just holding me and letting me know that he did in fact love me. My thoughts drifted away and I'm pretty sure I fell asleep curled up against him on the couch. And I was totally okay with that.     
 

 

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This was my first ever phanfic so please don't judge it too hard ToT

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


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